if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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