my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
