Please, let me fuck your mom
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
either way he was missing a nipple.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
