Got a toothbrush?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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