those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
