my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
