I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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