FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
