when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
