No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
