worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
