We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
