were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
