We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
