I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
