My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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