bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
