I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize