I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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