i just made my gag reflex go away.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
