Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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