my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You've changed since you got that strap on
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize