The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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