i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
