The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Congratulations! We have a period
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize