That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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