i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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