i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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