So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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