how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
