Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
