Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
