If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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