Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
