They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
