I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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