People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
