I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
