Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
