6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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