It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
