Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
