Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
