well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
