Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
