Already got asked if we're dating
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize