i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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