just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
