Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
