I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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