1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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