Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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