Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and she was petting her beer can
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
