im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
