I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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