I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
