literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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