Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
