Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
