my phone needs a breathalizer
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
