I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
