she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
