I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
