I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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