dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
