Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
