my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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