My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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