I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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